The Rapture of Performance
Dave Tvedt on 20 Years (5.11c) at Eagles Rest | John Sullivan image
The season is changing. As temps drop and days shorten, I feel a sense of urgency ignite inside me.
It’s performance season.
For better or worse, cool dry air tends to make rock a bit stickier. So most of us count on the Fall for creating conditions that support big goals. Yet, even though we spend all summer waiting for this moment, many fail to take full advantage of the time they’ve been dreaming about for months, perhaps even years.
Performance is a fascinating thing. Taking oneself to the edge is not for the faint of heart, but it’s an incredibly rewarding experience. If you’re embarking on the journey that is projecting or any other form of performance climbing this season, consider the full magnitude of this opportunity. And please, more than anything else, enjoy it.
You’ve Earned This
Do yourself a favor. Regardless of any current feelings about your climbing prowess or self worth, stop for a moment and congratulate yourself. You’ve done some incredible work. Think back to the first time you put on rock shoes and climbed up a wall. Remember how foreign the movement felt and the anxiety that resonated through every limb in your body. Remember the curiosity that flooded in shortly afterward. Now, consider the sheer amount of time spent exploring this practice since then. You’ve come a long way.
Consider the specific training you’ve done leading up to this season. Relish the hard sessions, gains, and the optimism felt in learning new skills. Countless hours have been spent considering your climbing practice, working out beta, watching others move on the wall, and cultivating flow. And every single night your body has slowly adapted, growing stronger, smarter, and more resilient.
Think about all the resources you’ve invested since that first time fumbling up a wall. You’ve likely incurred injuries - literally giving yourself to the process. How much money have you spent on climbing gear, gym memberships, and trips? How many hours of your life have been given to climbing that could have been used for anything else?
Give yourself some credit. You’ve worked hard and invested much. The moment has certainly been earned and you absolutely deserve this opportunity to test yourself.
A Rare and Fleeting Moment
Yes, this is a time of immense opportunity. Like a precious metal, its value derived from a combination of scarcity and desirability. Remember the way it felt last time you stared at the screen watching other climbers push themselves in whatever the climbing film of the moment was? You wanted it. At least some part of you wanted to feel what they were feeling, even if it seemed totally out of reach.
It doesn’t matter how “hard” or “classic” the route is. Anytime you work hard putting together the pieces to do something challenging, you get to access the same thing as the pros in those films. The harder you’ve worked, the longer it took to get here, the more intimidating the challenge, the more potent (and rare) the experience.
Sure, you might sort of try hard just about anytime you go climbing, but anyone being truly honest knows there’s only a few times each year that they are presented with an opportunity to access something deeper. This is it!
Furthermore, whether you want to accept it right now or not, you have limited time. The days are counting down, not up. Each season that passes is one less season you have left before the inevitable end. And yes, every moment is gone in an instant.
Savor this rare and fleeting moment. Be grateful for the time you have to explore yourself. Treasure the time spent with friends. Let yourself be amazed by the beauty of the wild places that you’re in. Enjoy flowing over stone and open yourself to the alchemy of this experience.
There is No Try
Many climbers, including myself, encourage others by urging them to “try hard.” While the intention is certainly clear, I actually think this cue can lead people astray. Yes, the goal is to give full effort when we’re attempting something hard, but to quote a guy who absolutely cranks despite being only about 2 ft tall, “do, or do not, there is no try.”
You don’t need to be a Star Wars fan to appreciate the power in these words. Master Yoda speaks to what is, perhaps, the essence of performance. Once you’re lacing up shoes for an attempt on a hard project, the work is over. At this point, “trying” might yield decent results, but superior performances only come when we move past effort. It’s the athletes (and jedis) who create space to simply execute that deliver exceptional outcomes.
The key to pure execution is focus. Can you hold attention on the task at hand when the pump builds, fatigue sets in, and fear begins to creep in? Pump can be blinding. It almost feels like suffocation when we push deeply into it. Like the free divers who have mastered the art of staying focused despite very loud alarms going off in their body, the climber must learn to maintain despite everything in their body screaming that they have to stop. And deep down, this actually requires calm, not fight. Your muscles are going to contract as hard as they can, and your body might quiver, but below the surface you are still and simply executing. Find this place and you’ll offer your entire self to the task at hand. You’ll also probably leave a personal best performance on the table.
The Secret
This all leads to one final question. Why?
Why are you pouring all this energy into performance climbing? Why have you invested so much in the process? Why do you want to send this project?
I won’t answer for you, but I can almost guarantee that if you’re honest with yourself, the answer revolves around experience and meaning. I’m confident in this projection because there’s really no other reason to rock climb. This is a game. That’s it. And the results of the game have no meaningful impact on the world. In fact, if anything, our primary impact is one of subtle damage to nature! We aren’t creating anything other than stories, experiences, and memories. Climbing is not essential for survival. Many people can’t even afford the time, space, or freedom to go climbing. This is recreation and a highly privileged form of it.
So, here’s the thing. It doesn’t actually matter if you send the route.
I know. You’ve heard this before, but you need to hear it again because it's far too easy to forget in moments like this. The most important thing right now is to take advantage of this rare and fleeting moment. Have a meaningful experience.
Sure, clipping chains and topping boulders can be meaningful, but while we so easily attach meaning to the result, it's readily obvious later that deeper meaning was actually found in the process and effort.
I can say with certainty that some of my most memorable climbing performances in the past 20 years have been on failed attempts. I was fully present and my body performed at something approaching its true limit in these moments. These “failures” were incredible experiences.
Falling on the last move on an onsight attempt of Great White at Promontory I was practically blinded by pump, but just continued to move up the wall. I couldn’t believe I made it that far and really only fell because I chose the wrong hold for the final move.
Climbing from the second bolt to the chains on Better Than Life at Owl Tor during what was only supposed to be a link through the crux. It felt so good I just ended up continuing all the way to the top. That big link was likely the hardest bit of climbing I’d ever done at that point in my career. And then I got injured on my next attempt.
Working She Made Me Do It in Skofield Park during a few sunrise sessions in the middle of Winter. Figured out all the anti-style moves and then even took it to the top from the middle of the problem, despite having no spotters for the insecure final moves. But I never was able to put together the whole thing.
Practice
Holding focus, maintaining presence, and having gratitude are skills. Simply reading some highly inspiring blog post written by a climbing coach might provide perspective, but the only way to get better at any of these things is to practice them… a lot. You think it takes a long time to develop finger strength? Try developing jedi levels of focus! This is why us climbing coaches are (should) always pushing athletes to cultivate their ability to execute, especially on actual rock climbs and boulders. It’s no different than training purely physical things like finger strength. We have to apply stress to the system at less intensity before it can sustain harder efforts. And just like investing in retirement, the best time to start is now.
There are numerous ways to practice performance mindset, so do yourself a favor and explore a few different techniques. More than any other form of training, it’s essential that you create a process that resonates with your personal style. While these techniques are simple to describe, they can be immensely powerful - especially if practiced regularly. I’ll share a few options that work for me, but again, take this as a way, not THE way.
Open Awareness
This practice seems to work well for those who struggle with performance anxiety and fear.
Get yourself totally sorted for an attempt on your project. Shoes on, rope tied, partner checked etc.
Then forget about the route, turn away from the wall, and take in the world around you. Just notice what’s happening “out there”. Relish the beautiful one-of-a-kind place that you get to play in. Consider for a moment just how lucky you are.
Smile.
Take a deep breath in. Let it out. Then, turn around and climb.
One Point Focus
This practice seems to work well for those that struggle to maintain focus or keep mental chatter at bay.
Get yourself totally sorted for an attempt on your project. Shoes on, rope tied, partner checked etc.
Then choose a very specific object (or portion of an object) that is easily within view and hold your attention on it for about 30 seconds. Stare at the object and do not let your eyes look away. Just observe and see every minute detail. For this small amount of time, all that matters is the specific point that you are focusing on.
Take a deep breath in. Let it out. Then, begin up the climb.
Meaning
The original Star Wars trilogy is often referenced as the perfect example of the hero’s journey, a concept popularized by Joseph Cambell. Simply put, the hero's journey is a common narrative that involves a hero who goes on an adventure, learns a lesson, wins a victory with that newfound knowledge, and then returns home transformed.
I do believe that most of us climb at least partly because of the way the sport so easily provides access to such an experience. The hero’s journey is not a one time thing either. The process repeats itself over and over. There are journeys within journeys that build upon each other over time.
It all boils down to experience. In Joseph Campbell’s words, “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
Get out there and feel the rapture.